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Around the world in 80 dates My dating Odyssey Jennifer Cox writes... "I’m not a scientist, I’m a travel journalist. And maybe that’s why I decided to test my theory - on the inverse relationship between love and work - by dating 80 men, in four continents over six months. My theory was that as the job market expands, the relationship pool contracts. Or to put it simply: we Brits - with the longest working hours in Europe and the highest number of stress-related diseases to prove it - are too busy working to fall in love. After ten years as a travel journalist and head of PR for guidebook company Lonely Planet, I was certainly guilty of giving too much to my job and expecting too little from my relationship. But when that five-year relationship ended, I was devastated. In time, I also realised that unless I made radical changes, the same thing was just going to keep happening. Anyway, I was so sick of half-hearted London Love: I wanted the real thing - Mr Right - and decided the only way I would find him, was by going on a global search. So I quit my job at Lonely Planet and invited my friends (who all worked in the travel industry) to become Date Wranglers (DWs), finding me suitable dates by circulating my Soul Mate Job Description (SMJD) around their international networks.  The DWs were all incredibly enthusiastic. Some asked for clarification:Do you want to sleep with them all or just dinner and a chat...? It’ll influence who I put you onto. Love s Some offered advice: You say you don’t want to date younger men. I have just two words for you... sperm motility. Leslie emailing from Moscow I gently impressed upon the DWs that my journey wasn’t about sex (one night stands are the emotional kebabs of the relationship world: easy to get after the pubs shut, leave you feeling rubbish for the next three days), I was looking for love. Thankfully everyone was so determined to prove they had the best contacts and could be the one who found The One, there was no end of options: Is it true Posh PR Emma just set you up with a sheep farmer in Chile? I may have an architect in Cairo. Call me. Jo xx As little black books were dusted off across the time zones, pretty soon I was getting up to 100 emails a day from potential Dates in Paris to Sydney and back again. Most straightforward: Hi Jen, Jane told me about your adventure. I’d love to take you out if you are coming to Lisbon. Let me know your plans... Paolo emailing from Portugal. Some just forward: I am most eager to meet a Western woman: you with your fuller body and more voluptuous breasts... Tan emailing from Shanghai Putting occasional moments of panic aside, I actually felt incredible positive about my journey: I had no idea what would come of it, I just felt certain I was doing the right thing. Though knowing how I would go about doing it was quite another story, as I struggled to establish my Date Route (both in terms of location and Dates who fitted my SMJD). After a few weeks, I had a tentative itinerary that started in the Netherlands, headed up through Scandinavia, down through Mediterranean Europe, onto the States, then Indo China and Australasia. I still had tons of dates to lock in when the time came to leave, not to mention flights and hotels, but I accepted I’d have to do that along the way. So I set off in search of my Soul Mate. I dated handsome Anders with his floating sauna in Sweden; enigmatic Olivier, privy to Paris’ midnight secrets; Wolfgang the psychiatrist at Love Parade in Berlin; Lowell the scary comedian in LA. There was the shame-filled reflexology session with the journalist in Beijing; the sensitive Penguin Ranger in Melbourne; the twenty four lesbians in Vegas... And eventually, success.  But I’m getting ahead of myself: there was a lot of dating and travelling before I finally met The One. I can tell you a few things I learnt about dating along the way though. Dating is like working out: you need stamina, a good attitude and the right shoes. I learnt to be organised. For example, it takes a moment not a meal to discover if you like someone. I avoided dinner dates, asking instead if we could do something they enjoyed, like seeing a band or going hiking. That way, if we didn’t hit it off, at least we had fun and I didn’t come away tired from making conversation and suffering from Date Fatigue. The Love Professor in Gothenburg revealed how we unconsciously gravitate towards partners who see us as we see ourselves: think you’re a winner and you’ll pick someone who treats you well; think you’re rubbish... It’s worth putting the effort into making yourself feel good, before getting involved with anyone else. Chester, the professional poker player in Vegas, showed me how gambling know-how can come in handy for Daters too: body language tells you a lot about your opponent, and practicing positive visualisation increases your chances of winning. My journey wasn’t about winning at any cost, though the DWs had already made me aware there was a competitive side to dating. The Dates showed me another. The more dates I went on, the more extravagant they became: yachts and champagne were almost a daily occurrence by Date 20. I was shocked to realise that although the Dates wanted to impress me, their real motive was to impress each other: 80 men, all competing to be better than the other 79. Not that I’m complaining: apart from enjoying a lot of fabulous dates, I learnt more about men during the course of my Dating Odyssey than at any time in my entire life before (including seven years of marriage). Each country had its own Date Persona: Scandinavians were clever and interesting, Mediterraneans - old fashioned romantics, with a bit of a serious streak. Finding an Asian date tall enough to meet the requirements of my SMJD was a real problem: they were not so much thin, as short on the ground. Americans were the most red blooded daters: very confident and ‘masculine’ but in an easy going, flirtatious way.  I found that extremely appealing. Maybe that’s one of the reasons I was so attracted to Garry (Date 55) at the Burning Man festival in the Nevada desert? Quietly confident, easy going and cute as hell: as soon as I saw him, I knew he was The One. We both felt it. And I believed that to be more true than ever, when after a magical week together, he accepted my decision to leave him and continue dating. I had to. I felt a real sense of responsibility towards the remaining 25 Dates, but also I had a weird feeling that if I didn’t see my journey through to the end and complete my quest (by this point I think I saw myself as the Jason and the Argonauts of the Dating World), I’d forfeit Garry.  Garry - like all my Dates - knew about my quest, but I still don’t understand how he coped with my decision? Possibly in what was already a pretty bizarre situation, it was just one more bizarre thing to add to the pile? But as it turned out despite my good intentions, after an intense Date 76 in New Zealand, I decided enough was enough. I made my apologies, grabbed my bags, and hanging up my dating shoes forever, flew to Seattle to be with Garry. That was just over a year ago, and I’ve been living here ever since. He really did turn out to be The One." Click here >> to see or buy Jennifer's book, Around the World in 80 Dates.  Click here >> for advice about gap years and boyfriends Click here >> for round the world tickets and advice on travelling round the world |
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